5 Pieces of Advice for Newly Engaged Couples
Congratulations! Being engaged is such a fun and exciting season of your life, and I am thrilled for you. You and your partner are choosing the adventure of marriage, and now it’s time to plan your first day of that journey - your wedding day.
Planning a wedding can be a complex, stressful, and at times overwhelming task. Every person brings their own dreams, expectations, and ideas to the process, and that has the potential to create conflict. Listening to and communicating openly with your partner enables you to navigate these conflicts in a way that strengthens you and brings you closer to each other and closer to having a shared vision for your wedding celebration.
With that in mind, here are 5 pieces of advice that I have for newly engaged couples as you enter your engagement season.
Your engagement season lasts a lot longer than your wedding day, and you have plenty of time to plan. For now, take a deep breath and reflect on the fact that you are building a life with the person you love. Your married life begins on your wedding day, and it has the potential to be one of the most expensive and materially beautiful days of your life. But it is still only one day of thousands of days that you will share with your partner, and you don’t have to sacrifice your mental health or your financial wellbeing in order to celebrate it. Resolve to keep your focus on what matters: Yourself, your partner, your relationship, and the life you’re building together.
Instead of thinking about how you want your day to look, spend some time thinking about how you want your wedding day to feel. Take time to sit down with your partner and discuss your vision and expectations for your engagement season and wedding day. What experiences are most important to you? How do you want to feel during this time? We can’t force ourselves to feel one way or another, but we can identify how we want to feel and make choices that create space for us to feel that way. Before you start making a guest list or finding a venue, you need to be on the same page about the kind of experience you want to have on your wedding day and in the many days that lead up to it. Don’t sacrifice your wellbeing for months in the pursuit of one “perfect” day.
Consider the kind of life you want to build together and the goals that you have for your shared adventure of marriage. Dream beyond the wedding day. Make a list of the goals and dreams that you want to accomplish together as partners, and with those ideas fresh in your mind, decide on a budget for your wedding celebration. As you navigate the planning process, come back to this list and ask yourself, “Is having this thing or that thing for my wedding worth delaying or sacrificing the other dreams we’re pursuing together?” If having your dream venue or wedding vendor is worth making sacrifices, go for it! The goal isn’t to shame yourself into spending less - it’s to help you have a long-term vision as you navigate the financial side of wedding planning.
Identify the elements of a wedding celebration that are most important to you individually and as a couple. Do you value fresh floral arrangements and heirloom wedding photography? Do you want to have quality wine and delicious food for your guests? Do you want to have a private, intimate ceremony and/or a high energy dance party reception? Your priorities will likely be different, and that’s OK. Discuss your values without judgment. You don’t get to decide what matters (or what should matter) to another person, and your goal isn’t to get your own way. It’s to find a way forward together. Prioritize what matters to each of you, and don’t struggle to afford things that aren’t important to you.
If reducing stress is at the top of your list, consider eloping, having a simple, intimate wedding, and/or hiring a wedding planner. The larger your event gets, the more stressful it becomes to run the production. Don’t sacrifice your mental health or the quality of your relationship over months and months in the pursuit of one day. Delegate planning tasks. Simplify your plans. Do whatever it takes to protect your wellness and your relationship.
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What is the best wedding planning advice you’ve received? Share it in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you!